Friday, December 12, 2008

My Story

Hello all! I'm Cassidy. I'm a 20 year old college student. As we grow up and start own life, we encounter many struggles.
I am fortunate to have grown up in a healthy house. We rarely ate fast food, ate tons of veggies and fruit, drank milk at every meal, and did not drink soda. I was also always very active. I danced through elementary school. I swam on a summer league swim team from age 5 to 18. I swam year round in middle school and varsity in high school. I was never over weight, never the skinniest girl, just average. I was never self conscious about not being the skinniest. (My mom always described me as soft.) I was 114 through out most of high school. (I'm 5' 2") Freshman year swimming I went down to 103 (not intentionally).
Senior year, it all changed. I had gained a few pounds the summer before Senior year and was up to 117. It did not bother me too much but I did not like that my jeans (size 4) were tight. I luckily had PE that semester. Just running in PE class brought my weight back down. But the stress of high school ending really took a toll on me. I started emotionally eating. I gained 9 lbs from November 2005 to January 2006 and weighed 123. I was really upset with myself. My mom new I was upset and supported me on my goal to go on a diet. I stopped eating sweets and lost 6 lbs in 1 month. I did not stick. I stopped my diet and the next month I gained 9 lbs and was up to 126. For the first time ever I became really self concious of my body. I went off to school deathly afraid of the freshman 15.
My first semester freshman year I had a meal plan. The food was good and it was hard to make healthy choices. I had recently become a vegetarian, which lasted about 3 months. I just made sure to get veggies and drink milk. I also went to the school gym for at least 30 minutes 4 times a week. Exercise made all the difference. I lost 6 lbs and was down to 120 lbs. I was excited and motivated. I thought "If I lost this much by not trying, imagine what I could loose if I tried!"
I went back in the spring. This is when the disorder started. I started skipping meals, eating very little and exercising a lot. By May I was down to 106 - 110 lb. But with the low calorie restriction came binging. That summer I maintained my weight at 110 - 114 lb. I hated being home. I felt out of control with not being in charge of my food. I was so glad to get back to school. I returned in August 2006 and was 114 lbs. I started restricting my calories even more. I was eating about 900 -1200 calories a day and it was decreasing over the months. Social events that involved food scared me and made me very anxious. December 2007 I weighed 106 lbs.
I was about to go home for a month and that mad me very anxious. My solution was purging. I used it as a coping mechanism. I returned to school in January 2008 at 104 lbs. The low calorie eating decreased to about 600 -800 calories a day. I was purging and binging daily. I was doing 1 hr + of intense cardio a day. My mom said something first. She would weigh me every time I came home. My friends were making comments. People I barely knew in classes we making comments. I knew I need help, I just couldn't get out. I think one of the final straws was when my guy friends asked how much I weighed. I thought, "If my guy friends are worried then this is bad." At my lowest point I weighed 97 lbs on February 14 2008.
Since then I have been slowly recovering. It was very difficult at first. I had lost a sense of real portions. I decreased my exercise and doubled my calories to about 1600 - 1800. I had nutrition counseling and theory. I was actually getting frustrated because I was not gaining fast. May 2008 I was up to 101 and could not get any higher. Early summer it stabilized around 104. The end of summer was a down fall of binging but not purging. When I returned to school in August 2008 I was 123.
I decided to take control. I follow the food pyramid. I eat whole, real foods. I enjoy treats and try not to stress. My best tool is staying active. I walk my dog and go to the gym every day. I have found my happy weight at 115 lbs. My disorder is something I still must struggle with but am doing 100 times better! I feel like I have fallen off the wagon lately and hope this blg will get me back on track. I also want to

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